The Flat at 610

“If you stay here, it’ll be chaos but you will be valued. I promise you, you will be valued,” Amelia says soothingly as she tucks a tear-soaked piece of hair behind my ear. We’re lying on Mandy’s bed in the room Mandy’s letting me stay in at 610 while I try to get my life in order post theft. I’m all frayed edges post-theft with no idea what’s going on or what to do or what I want to do, but as Amelia and I watch the sun come up over the city that morning from the top of One Tree Hill, I know that I want to stay. I know with absolute certainty that I love this country and that I love the people I’ve met here and the person that I’ve been here. I know that I don’t want to let this horrible event chase me away from a place where I feel like myself.

 

I wanted to stay but the flat made it happen. Mandy stayed in Wellington so that I could have her room and if not for that, staying wouldn’t have been financially feasible. Their advice and kindness stabilized me and kept me sane during the long three months of uncertainty as I scrambled to get a job, passport and visa. The relationships that I was building with them as we sat on the orange couch or around the kitchen table talking and joking lightened the omnipresent fear and sadness that I carried with me during that time like an illness I just couldn’t seem to shake. I didn’t realize it then but I see now that no matter how devastating and unrecoverable the loss may seem, there’s always the chance to step in a different direction. After the theft my plans made a complete pivot to be able to embrace a future in beautiful Aotearoa New Zealand and throughout that, I got to experience being accepted, loved, cared for, valued. I lost possessions and peace of mind for a long while but I gained deep and lasting friendships and a trust in them built through having experienced the worst. I came out on the other side of it all a stronger person but it was because of my friends. 

At that time, it was me, Amelia, Finn, Cam, Andy and Kate in the flat. A few months in, Amelia moved to Melbourne and I took her room permanently. Mandy came back, bringing her partner Clive (who went to high school with Andy and Finn). Cam got a partner named Emily who’s an honorary flatmate, Kate and Andy moved back to Wellington, Amelia came back from Melbourne but lives in a different flat, and now Katie (Clive’s sister’s best friend) has moved in. Shortly after she moved in, she and I took advantage of the ANZAC Day public holiday to walk the width of New Zealand from the Waitemata harbor to the Manukau harbor which was a great way to bond with a new flatmate and something I'm glad to be able to say I've done. Mandy, Clive, Katie and I all work in the same area and carpool to work most mornings. We go in early so we can have a coffee together and we sit and chat about whatever it is that friends talk about when they’re together. 

Our interactions are probably pretty much the same as the interactions of any group of friends: we watch TV, tell stories about our days, gossip, discuss current events, reminisce on funny happenings, go into bits or inside jokes, give advice, have deep discussions. We host parties, which Mandy is always at the center of with her coordinating and planning and inviting and introducing everyone. She makes the flat an open and welcoming place and often goes the extra mile for people she barely knows—once, at a party in Wellington, she met one of Clive’s friend’s sisters and invited her to stay at the flat a few weekends later when she was up in Auckland for a concert. Thoughtful Mandy is a good match for easygoing Clive, who has a knack for making people feel comfortable. When my little sister visited, she was shy but opened right up to Clive as they chatted about her job working at a burger place in America. 

              

Although it was intimidating at first, I love how far back the connections between the flat go and the security in that. Knowing that ultimately we’ve got each other allows us to have some really good debates about politics and feminism and religion and it’s heartwarming to know that we can coexist in our differences. Finn, perpetual devil’s advocate, keeps us in check and misinformation at bay with one simple word that’s become his catchphrase—“source?” 

The flat’s interests vary but align in surprising ways, like Finn’s love of girly drama tv shows or Mandy’s love of war documentaries. Katie and Finn band together to watch sports, often joined by Mandy and the sound of their cheers or boos echo down our massive fuck-off wood floored hallway—the same hallway that Finn and Katie play lacrosse in and Katie likes to run down, maybe just to hear her footsteps echo. It’s hard to convey the humor and comfort of these little interactions to someone who isn’t there for them. There’s not one specific conversation or interaction that points to the depth of our friendships, it’s all of the little ones that braid together into something that is greater than the sum of its parts. 

Flatmates doesn’t really capture what they are to me. They’re not just people I live with, they’re my friends and the closest thing I have to family in this country. Affection is woven through every interaction. Although Amelia doesn’t live at 610 anymore, she makes herself at home here and it fits because this is home. We are home. And maybe this is just the stage of life we’re in—the early adulthood golden age where we are all figuring things out and navigating romantic relationships and starting our careers. Maybe it’s just because we’re too old to live with our parents but too young for families of our own that our friendships are the most important relationships in our lives. Maybe we’ll drift apart as we age. But for right now, I cherish every moment living at 610, knowing that I have people I care about and people who care about me just one massive fuck-off hallway away. 

Amelia was right. It is chaos and I am valued.